I have been thinking a lot about anger lately. We recently had someone leave the church partially because they did not agree with my theology around being angry with God. I think that it’s okay to take all of our emotions to God. To express anger and lament and joy and wonder and confusion and love and everything else. In our reading of the bible over the course of this year we have read in Psalms and Lamentations and other books about the full breadth of human emotions articulated to God. This person heard me say that it was okay to blame God for our troubles and struggles. That was never my intent, but I do not always clearly express what I mean so every one can understand my intentions, it’s something I am working on. It is always good to get feedback and learn and adjust the way we express ourselves and our thoughts.
I’m also thinking about anger because I have had a couple outbursts recently. One in a meeting and one at home. Part of the problem during the meeting was I was angry about a broken system and as the chair and a clergy person I carry some inherent power. Some folks in the meeting experienced this anger as really targeted and the power I wield as intensifying the anger. Some folks experienced this as important truth telling and accountability. I know this because I asked for feedback and while I do not regret my actions in the meeting it is good to learn how this anger was experienced and to adjust my leadership so that we can be hard on systems and soft on people and so that everyone in the meeting feels safe to participate fully.
The outburst at home was when I asked my spouse for help when he was busy and he gave me back a noncommittal response. I immediately then did what I asked him to do while grumping at him about it. After some tension we figured out that he was not able to hear my request because he was busy while I felt unheard and unsupported. I am grieving and overwhelmed with work and complex decision making between the transitions at the parish and the deep work of the conference trustees. All of this compounds my emotions and makes me more reactive.
In the book my clergy group has been reading all year “See No Stranger” by Valerie Kaur she writes about rage. She sees rage as an intentional and divine energy against injustice. I think part of the place I am still learning is that sometimes what I experience as anger is really this energy of rage at injustice and sometimes it is fear and power dressed up as self-righteousness. And sometimes it is both at the same time and more! You can read and listen to more of Valerie Kaur’s thoughts on rage here.
How do we experience anger? How do we recognize it as a valid and appropriate feeling? How do we express anger in ways that are healthy? I’m still trying to figure it all out and invite you into the holy work of naming our feelings, lifting them to God, and navigating the world with hearts open to learn and heal.
-Eilidh
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