Last week on our final day off winter break my family gathered in our living room over a large pile of junk food. We were ready to cheer on the Buffalo Bills, my husband’s team. That night one of the players, Damar Hamlin, suffered a medical emergency just a few minutes in to the game. He had to be resuscitated on the field. As we watched Josh Allen (the QB) stare in shock and horror, Stefon Diggs wept, and other players formed a circle of prayer around Damar. We waited and worried as an entire stadium of fans sat in silence. The commentators and anchors were stunned. After about an hour I had enough and began to pace. Our family sat and talked and debated what should happen next. We were relieved when the NFL decided to postpone the game and we lifted prayers for Damar, his family, and all the players.
Earlier this fall I had watched someone die. CPR was given and I dealt with shock and trauma from the aftermath of that accident. I realized that once again witnessing a medical emergency was bringing up all sort of stuff for me so I told my family I needed to take a walk and headed out the door. I didn’t put on any music or an audio book. I just walked quickly, feeling my heart race and my eyes prick with tears. I allowed my self to feel all the things and I walked and walked and walked.
Things happen in this life that touch us deeply. And sometimes we read a book or a news story or hear a song or smell a scent or encounter a person and layer upon layer of feelings are activated. At one point in my life I might have dismissed my feelings that night, but I have learned that being sensitive, feeling pain, and not being okay are in fact all really normal.
So I invite you to take a moment as you read this and check in with yourself. What feelings are you minimizing and suppressing? What is happening in your soul right now? And how might you honor those feelings and your soul in this moment?
The reason we gather as faith communities is to learn and grow. To navigate this world together with holy compassion and a vision for justice. I am so grateful for my faith communities over the years that have taught me to pay attention to my heart and to see God at work in me and in others.
-Eilidh
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