This week we talked about love in our worship gatherings. What it means to love, that we all need love and that we can can be loving. One things that struck me as we were exploring the scripture, singing together about love, and discussing loving with one another was the deep conflict often rooted in the church between love and shame. If to be loved means loved including our faults why do we think we need to be prefect in God’s eyes? I have sat with so many people processing their own feelings of unworthiness and shame. People who have bene told they are not enough or that they are too much. That they ask too many questions or aren’t faithful enough.
I my own struggles with anxiety I have experienced shame in the church. There have been occasions when I’ve shared my struggles and the response has been for folks to quote the bible at me, saying “Worrying doesn’t add a single hour to your life! The birds of the air do not worry and God cares for them.” The implication is that if I just really had faith in God I would stop worrying. So now I have to worry about worrying and be ashamed of my supposed lack of faith.
Christianity isn’t about being perfect. It’s not about following a bunch of rules or getting in trouble. Christianity is about love, wanting the best for others, and trying to make the world a better and more beautiful place. Instead of telling me I’m not enough maybe a better, more loving response would have been for folks to say something like, “That sounds really rough. How can I best help you carry this burden? One thing that helps me when I’m struggling is to remember God is with me, and a passage that helps me do this is this one about worry. I think it means that we are encouraged to lean on God when things are hard.”
So different! Being in the struggle instead of judging it. Still using the same scripture in response, but in a meaning making way rather than in condemnation.
Shame really has no place in our faith, yet it is oh so common. The only cure is love of self. May you know deep down that no matter what anyone or any church has ever said or done that you are a beautiful being of sacred and holy worth and the your life is a profound gift to this earth.
I love you,
Eilidh
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