This week I voted to close a church I served, I’m helping a loving couple officially launch their married life, and we created a series of neighborhood water stations to care for our neighbors during an unusual heat wave, 115! As I wrote stories of that church and those people in my sermon for the week, as I listened to the couple answer my questions about their relationship in preparation for the big day, as people responded with great generosity to stock the ministry with supplies it was a breathtaking mix of new life, deep growth, and the complexity of community. And it’s overwhelming. I normally write my blog on Thursdays, but here it is Saturday morning and after 4 attempts I finally realized I just need to tell it like it is today. All of this, the closing and sorrow, the gratitude for the time with lovely folks, the joy of a love years in the making that crates deep contentment and visible happiness for one of my favorite people, the emotional energy of thinking through how to help people, executing that plan, and worrying if it’s enough mean there’s not a lot of brain space left over for crafting blogs or much else for that matter.
I’ve been thinking about getting a robot vacuum for awhile now. I finally found a good one for a great deal and it arrived on Tuesday. It sits forlornly on the coffee table, where I have taken to petting it’s shiny surface when I walk past. I simply haven’t had the time or mental energy to read the set up instructions and get it working. It’s not an important things, but it’s an indication of how sometimes the stuff of life takes up all the room and there isn’t capacity for robot vacuums, no matter how awesome they are and how much the cats are shedding in the heat!
All I can do with this is to name it. To be gentle with myself and to know that this is a moment. Life cannot be lived at this capacity so it also means carving out time and space for quiet, rest, and the regular rhythms of the day to day. So that’s what I’m going to do. Turn off the computer, eat a simple breakfast, do some backyard yoga before the wedding starts or the heat arrives.
-Eilidh
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