This week the church modem was acting up, zoom wasn’t talking to FaceBook, and everything just fell apart when it came to worship. Some might smugly say this is why they prerecord worship, but I’ve seen your FaceBook posts about spending 2 hours filming a 5 minute prayer, YouTube not uploading your videos, and all other manner of technical problems and frustrations with our life as online worship leaders. The new reality of online faith life is just really difficult sometimes.
A couple of my church folk let me know how much they hated all the problems this week. I simply replied with me too. I hate that we can’t gather together in our sanctuary, especially with our awesome new sound system. I hate that some of our folks don’t have a computer or wifi at home, so can’t participate in the services. I hate that I can’t check in and visit with folks before and after worship. I hate that at dinner we can’t do our closing circle with one palm up and the other palm down. I hate virtual communion, not being able to steal people’s babies and snuggle them all service long, the loneliness of preaching to a black lens, and oh could I go on.
There is a lot that I miss and a lot of ways that I am having to learn all over again how to be a pastor. We have been ripped from our normal and it’s hard.
But here’s the thing. We’re still here, still finding a way to gather, still finding a way to be church. And for everything I hate there’s lots that I love. I love that my mom and my college roommate can join worship with us on Sunday mornings, as can a bunch of folks who used to come to worship here, but have moved away. I love that folks who might not be willing to read or play an instrument in the sanctuary are able to participate in worship leadership. I love that our families with babies and toddlers can more regularly participate from the comfort of their own homes. I love the ways people have stepped up to take care of each other. I love the creativity of thinking about totally new ways to engage people and create meaningful moments of spiritual development.
When life goes back to normal I know it won’t actually be like it was before. And I’m grateful for the opportunities to stretch and grow, to be more creative, to allow connection from far away, to keep finding new ways to care for each other and be community. But I’m so excited for that Sunday when I’m back in the pulpit with our community together again or sat around the table sharing a meal in Christian fellowship. So next time everything gos haywire, I’m going to take a second to breathe and envision that happy day while also remembering the gifts of this time.
-Eilidh
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