This work of planting a new church can sometimes feel like being on a trapeze without a net. Part of this is because I sometimes feel isolated and part of it is the pressure to make something grow. I’m not doing the same kind of work as many of my colleagues, so when we get together to share I often feel like the odd one out. The pressure to succeed in ways that benefit the church institution means that my relationship with the leaders in my area feels more difficult than in the past. The risk of falling seems very real and often I think no one will be there to catch me.
What I have realized is that these feelings aren’t the whole picture. We’ve been so supported and encouraged by our peers. I just need to look at our donation records, or read the lovely cards people have sent to let us know that they are praying for us. Each of my colleagues serves a unique context, but we all have a common ground of trying to faithfully serve where we are located. Maybe I’m not so odd after all. Or maybe if I am it doesn’t really matter. It’s clear when I look for it that my pastor friends are cheering me on.
As to the leadership I think my problem here is that I expected them to have all the right answers, when really all of us are experimenting and exploring uncharted territory. I have to trust that they are not the ones holding the net, but rather are with me as I step out in faith. I want my risk to be lessened by those higher up the ranks, but I see they are instead with me in the risks and perhaps are stretching out beyond where I can see to risk even more.
It’s tempting for me in my anxiety and stress to want to complain or vent . And it’s okay to do that sometimes, as long as I can keep perspective and realize where I really stand in relation to my colleagues and leaders. I think it’s when I lose perspective that I’m actually most in danger of falling.
-Eilidh
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| Trapeze performer from Vau de Vire Society mounts trapeze at Bumbershoot, a music and arts festival held every Labor Day at Seattle Center, Seattle, Washington. Photo by Joe Mabel 2007 |
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