I volunteer at my daughter’s school every Thursday and often I get to do fun things like work with kiddos in a reading group or decorate the bulletin board. Most of my day is full of boring, but manageable tasks like copying, laminating, and cutting. Sometimes however I am asked to do something I just don’t want to do, not for some lofty moral objection, but because it’s unpleasant or boring. I always try to accept these jobs with grace. Remembering the reason that I volunteer is to free up the teachers and the staff to do the jobs that matter, namely educating and caring for kids. But sometimes I’m resentful. I have a master’s degree I want to say. I’m better than this work, is really what I mean. But I’m not. It is work that needs to be done and I have offered myself to do it.
Last Thursday I found myself hunched over a file drawer bathing in the hot exhaust from the copy machine. I was sweaty, doing a super boring task, in an uncomfortable position. My thought about half way through was that this was an odious job and I knew that I could get out of it. I could complain and say I didn’t want to finish. I could slow down and just waste the rest of my time until I could leave. I could not say anything and just do the next job on my list. I didn’t do any of those things, instead I plowed through the rest of the filing and went on to the next, thankfully less tedious, task. I made this choice because I realized in that moment of temporary suffering that being a servant isn’t about doing fun or easy jobs.
It may not be the most important thing in the world, filing papers, but it needs to be done. Sadly, I know there will be more filing the next time. It’s hard and unpleasant and annoying and small and unending, and I’m going to keep at it. It’s the only way I know to bring love to others and to change my own heart.
-Eilidh
Love in progress. |
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