A New Kind of Tired

I knew that doing a new church start would be hard work.  I had read the materials and attended the workshops.  I knew that Jeff and I needed to have date nights where we didn’t talk about either the new church or the kid.  I knew that I had to be on the look for burnout and that self care was a priority. Knowing all of this information is one thing.  Living it is another.

I love being able to do this ministry, I really do, but sometimes I think longingly of the time when I will go back to “normal” church.  This surprises me.  I have worked for a long time to get to this place and now I’m daydreaming about going back?  Maybe that’s human nature.  The grass is always greener, right?  I know that’s not really what I want or what I’m called to do.  However the reality is this work is wearying and I’m feeling it deeply these days. One of my coping mechanisims is to think about an easier future.

Part of this weariness may be that I haven’t been sleeping well for months now. Maybe it’s the road noise from Tacoma Street or my short-lived but serious addiction to the Jelly Defense game on my iPhone, but I think part of it is the challenge of letting myself rest when there is so much to do, so much to think about, so much to learn.

This week I’m up at church camp with our daughter and a bunch of other kiddos.  I know this will be a time of renewal and a break from our busy, full, wonderful, challenging life.  I might be working there, but it’s such a radically different type of work that is allows for a different energy.  Just being in the trees and connected to the earth is renewing, even when dealing with homesick little ones.  Camp will be enough to restore the balance.

I wanted to write this to be honest about the personal difficulties of engaging in a life of poured out love and service.  It is as hard as the books say.  So I’m going to keep looking for breaks and places of renewal and sharing with you all about that journey too.

Please hold us in your thoughts and prayers as we continue this grand, holy adventure.

-Eilidh

Ahh the beauty of camp!