I am not sure how many of you enjoy scrolling on Instagram reels, but it is one of the ways I relax! I love to hear the Scottish Poetry of MissPunnyPennie, enjoy the tea with Charlotte Dobre, catch up on the latest in the stories of the Nursery Nurse or Bistro Huddy, and of course think about relationship dynamics with Jimmy on Relationships. This last is helpful not just when it comes to thinking about couples and the dynamics in partner realtionships, but is helpful to me when it comes to all sorts of relationships.

I am someone who is a bit of an overachiever. I have anxiety and it manifests itself in some control stuff too. Jimmy on Relationships addresses not only the habit of men today to sort of expect women to take on the mental load of house and family, but also addresses how women can contribute to this dynamic. This has been really helpful to me especially recently as I have dealt with the dysfunction of our annual conference as chair of the board of Trustees. Just this last week it took 4 emails, a phone call, and 2 texts to get someone to do something that was their job. And then when it was done I wasn’t even notified so I sent ANOTHER email, including someone else, only to  be told this was already taken care of the day before. The work of keeping in my mind, “Did this get done?” is exhausting. The work of checking up to make sure people do what they are supposed to do is very tiring. The task of connecting this set of information with that person and then making sure action is taken is wearying.  And when I am doing this work it can become easy to start to micromanage, to stop trusting, to just take it all on myself and to begin resenting the people on my team, the people I am supposed to be partnering with.

So my job these days is to prayerfully enter into the work. To discern what really is mine to keep and what needs to be let go of. To pay attention to the way my anxiety is showing up in these relationships and to not let that cause harm to me or to others. And to be clear in the ways that I am not able to trust or need more from my partners in administration. One thing I am asking for is that we put stuff in writing, so all of us in the work can have a foundation of understanding.

God speaks in lots of ways, sometimes even through Instagram reels! May we all find ways to learn and grow, that we might show up in healthier, more holy ways to the work of ministry together.

In peace, Eilidh