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The Church of the Resurrection (CoR) just outside Kansas City is one of the largest United Methodist Churches in the world. The pastor there, Adam Hamilton, is committed to the renewal of mainline churches so every year they host a conference for church leaders. I was able to attend in late September and it was great. I had been feeling stuck lsat spring when I made plans to attend, and while I am much better now, it was nice to feel that the struggle of that past few years was seen and understood by so many other pastors.

One thing that was a struggle for me was the polish of the place. It wasn’t the amazing leather on the benches or the brand new facilities that made me feel off somehow. The problem for me was the music was perfect. I first noticed this when this amazing vocalist who sang It Is Well With My Soul, a song we just explored for our hymn series.  This was like listening to Josh Groban sing, it was beautiful, but for me it lacked any sense of heart break or desperation. It Is Well With My Soul is not a happy song, it’s about turning to God when everything falls apart.  The perfection, the niceness of this version was fine. I could appreciate the mastery of the singer and the beauty of the music, but the song didn’t move me like it does when we all sing it together whether in the Trinity sanctuary or around the table at dinner. In fact the entire conference, while the music was beautiful, I didn’t feel what I usually feel when singing. I guess I need some of the messy imperfections and deep emotion to truly connect with God. It all felt rather more like performance than participation.

Pastor Adam talked about how the point of the conference wasn’t for us to try to be CoR, but to take what we learned and apply it to our own holy and unique settings. I have lots of things I am bringing home like a discipleship program where we read the bible together over the course of the year, hopefully to start at Pentecost 2023, and a great new resource through livelyparadox.com for our work around disrupting racism.  More importantly I am brining home this beautiful sense that what we are is enough, that we have something unique and beautiful to offer the world for God, and that this is where I belong in this moment as we continue to grow, discern, live, and love together.

-Eilidh